I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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