you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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