She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize