What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
