Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
