There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
