No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
