so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
