Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
