listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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