Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
