Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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