I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is classic penis vs brain.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
