I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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