Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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