got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize