I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
