Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The adults are the big ones right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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