i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
