guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
