So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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