Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
