I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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