me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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