when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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