ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
