Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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