i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
