Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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