i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize