While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
