me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
