so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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