Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
