no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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