I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize