Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
