Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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