I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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