Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
