my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
