dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
