I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
