I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
