Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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