My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
