My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
