no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
