I CAN MOONWALK!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
