yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
