its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
