No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
