Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
