I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
