i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
