I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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