watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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