...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
