Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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