Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
