Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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