Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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