i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize