So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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