U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
