I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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