About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
