Your dad touched me again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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