Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
